Speak your mind in love

Posted by wcrowlandksr on February 18, 2014
Posted in: Uncategorized. Leave a comment

Your spirit has been broken but joy comes in the morning. 

I have been given the opportunity twice in life to speak with someone who I had dated seriously and then the relationship ended. 
Both times, I had concerns around continuing the relationship because I didn’t believe that the path we were traveling down together was going to be good for us both without some compromise.

My last one ended some time before I met my current and even though I was the dumped, I think it was more of a wake up attempt on their part rather than an actual breakup.  I didn’t see it that way until long after the fact.  I think it’s because I have never have responded well to such moves and they don’t register very well with me.
This was a perfect example of how a breakdown in communication caused a loss of something special.
It’s an example of why we are to be clear on what we say and how we say it.  No games, no inferred ideas but rather clear lines of communication where you speak your mind are essential.
Exercising love when you do speak your mind is key, but not telling someone you care about something that they need to hear can be more damaging than hiding the truth”out of love” for that person.
I had several concerns that may have been easily addressed but not wanting to cause what I later realized was short term pain for them, really only made things worse.
Ultimately, albeit a little late I did try to address them though…I just received unresponsive action.
I suppose that if I had addressed my concerns sooner, I could have saved us both some real pain. It would have meant that they could still have been unresponsive but I would have understood the lack of willingness to change and we both could have moved on…if we do chose.

Change

Posted by wcrowlandksr on February 13, 2014
Posted in: Walk Of Life. Leave a comment

In approximately one months time, I have changed jobs, my vision, no literally, my eye sight has been enhanced so I can see better, I lost a very good relationship and gained a new one. I’ve also lost a few pounds this summer and overall, my life has been in a state of change that while it may look like chaos, much of it is actually a good thing. I used to not like big change because it meant that I could not develop a routine that allowed me to run on autopilot and thus devote time to other things that I wanted to do or think about doing.

I still find the need to be doing something new and different now.  I find that I almost crave change.  It’s not about being unsatisfied but rather it’s about new experiences.  Let’s face it.  We are only alive once on this planet before we are called to meet our maker.  I see so many people plodding through life on a routine schedule that almost seems like a prison sentence.  It’s the same thing for them day in and day out.  I feel sorry for the ones who know that this is the life they are living and they want desperately to do something about it but don’t know where to start.
The only advice I can offer is to say…”make a leap of faith and try that thing you always wanted to do, skydive, run a marathon, set a non routine goal and work towards getting done or talk that stranger that may become a good friend…Just try.
 

Red Flags

Posted by wcrowlandksr on February 13, 2014
Posted in: Uncategorized. Leave a comment

Why is it that some people seem to only reconsider the actions they have taken when they didn’t get what wanted even when the ones they love tried to tell them that what they were doing was harmful?
I was once married to someone who fought me tooth and nail to hang on to their ways and it destroyed us.
I tried so many times to warn them but I was just ignored and pushed aside they forged ahead…attempting to drag me along as a resource to an end that they ultimately came to…alone.
That was a learning experience that some would call baggage carried into the next relationship…I simply called it experience and weighed it against what I was seeing in a most recent relationship. Similar behaviors that were red flags that needed to be addressed. When addressed, the reaction was to snap at me or ignore my pleadings…
A reaction that I really don’t take to kindly to not out of spite but self preservation.  Now that person has moved on and left me.  I’m sad about that because it was a simple matter of listening and taking action.  I suppose they did take action. They bailed.  Maybe that is the real reason for the sadness. is the fact that they would rather bail out rather than make an effort to improve the situation.  I suppose that in their doing so, I could believe the right thing happened because it would be miserable for both of us to be in a relationship that each had such opposed views on some important aspects of life.

Confidence testing our foundational strength

Posted by wcrowlandksr on February 12, 2014
Posted in: Walk Of Life. Leave a comment

Sometimes we find ourselves cruising along in life and thinking that the state of our existence is how things will always be.  However, life has a way of tossing us an unexpected curve ball now and then when we least expect it.  Forced Job changes, financial crisis, relationship issues and major health issues all have a way of catching us off guard when we aren’t paying attention and sometimes even when we are.  They often happen without warning and the results can be devastating if we aren’t prepared.  Our foundational beliefs about life and how we view things are tested during these times of being rocked by such trials.

The interesting thing is that during and especially after these events we can become more confident in the strength of our foundation when we find that we aren’t crushed after the fact.  It is for this reason that life sometimes tests for confidence, helps us reshape, reasses and sometimes rebuild the very foundation on which we stand.  This is what makes us stronger and more effective in life and gives us the ability to help others who are working through these kinds of things.
When we realize that the trials can be for our good and the phrase “What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger” really is true, we can face the next day knowing that it’s all for our growth.
Having this kind of view on life rather than one that is defeatist can make all the difference in the daily experience of living.
Just remember that life isn’t a dress rehearsal.  Embrace it now because at the end of it all, you don’t get a do-over.

Thanksgiving 2013

Posted by wcrowlandksr on November 28, 2013
Posted in: Uncategorized. Leave a comment

One year ago today, I was living in the middle east some 10,000 miles from home working 12 hour shifts at night.  Two years ago, I was beginning the journey just to get there.  I had been in debt and was tired of the pressure of having so many bills hanging over my head.
The feeling that I was just living to work was depressing and I wanted a change.

I am thankful that I was able to live like that for a season…it makes it so easy appreciate family, friends, life and where I live now. 

I am thankful for having met so many friends along the journey thus far.
Even if we never meet again, it has changed me for the better.  The memory of our encounters and the effects have become a part of who I am. Thank you all!

More to come.

New beginnings

Posted by wcrowlandksr on November 7, 2013
Posted in: Walk Of Life. Leave a comment

This year has had to be the fastest one in a long time. I have had little time to be bored and just as little time to really find myself with absolutely nothing to do. I have to say,I have enjoyed the busy pace because it’s hard to be down when you are busy with so many good things going on that keep you focused. I have been single since this summer after a long relationship and while its ending was unexpected, I think that it may have been in order. We still spend time together doing things but it just hasn’t been the same and I don’t see it going back to what it once was. You know the old saying…”once bitten, twice shy”.
This winter I anticipate a busy season of continuing to work at a new job and I expect that I will discover time to enjoy being out of my little town/fishbowl. You may recall an entry early in my blog about square goldfish. I think that it’s time to take a look around and see if the sides of my tank are closing in again as I suspect that they are.

Road Trip

Posted by wcrowlandksr on October 4, 2013
Posted in: Perspectives, Randomness. Leave a comment

Quite a while ago, I mentioned something about a road trip.  I was not sure of how or when but I knew I wanted to.  I have been working for most of my life and the idea of hitting the open road with a wanderers approach has a certain appeal to it. 
More recently, I had mentioned the road trip again and it came together really well.
A good friend who is more like family suggested that if I take this trip, I should drop in and visit for a while and the plan began to take shape. 

I’ll explain the backdrop.  I am a commuter that must ride a ferry to and from work.  It transports me and my ride if I need one across the water.  Early this year, I took a job that allowed me to walk to work and I loved the job and the walk.  One day I decided to ride my motorcycle to work.  It was then that I discovered the ferry managers had decided to impose a length limit on motorcycles.  Mine was right at the limit and I could foresee the problems with ticketing agents wanting to charge me the car rate because of the bike’s marginally large size. 
With wet winter weather on the way and the need to bring my ride on the ferry so I could get to a new job, I decided on getting a particular motorcycle.  It had to be short in length, comfortable, powerful and could keep me dry(er) than my current one.  It also needed to be rather chrome free even though I like that sort of thing because polishing chrome after riding in the rain…sucks.

Back to my original story…
I felt like packing up and making a drive out on the road was ok but I have crossed the country in a car before. I knew a little about it and while it seemed like a good thing to do, I wanted something more.  Flashback to the need for a proper commuter bike…cue the lightbulb over the head and presto!  I had a road trip with a plan. 
Find the bike I wanted in the area of my good friend, make a deal, pray that it would be right and fly out to visit, get the bike and ride it home.

I know that there is a sense of risk in doing such things but in this life, nothing ventured is nothing gained and for those of you who read my blog will see that taking a risk from time to time keeps you alive and sometimes takes you halfway around the world.  It also can forge the best friendships… It did for me, for if not, I wouldn’t be writing this story.

I can still remember leaving for home on day one and I was truly sad to leave and wanted to stay another day or two but I was also excited to take on the open road. I will say that if I had not been as concerned about snowy weather, I would probably have stayed a bit longer.

Crossing America on the open road on a motorcycle is like nothing else and the feel of it can be exhilarating. I find that you can connect with your surroundings better when you are out in the open air. You can feel the shifts in temperatures and humidity. The smells…good and bad, are quickly discovered and it is far easier to make a quick stop to take a picture or simply admire something you see along the route.
The smell of hay as it’s been recently cut and rolled for transport fills the air sometimes in the plains states and seeing a combine picking corn is pretty interesting to an urbanite especially when the combine looks just like the one in the movie “Cars”. His name was Frank if you recall the scene where he chases the two main characters ‘Mater and Lightening McQueen.

Stopping at a fork on the interstate and deciding where to head based on the input of a stranger and a cell phone GPS is not for the faint of heart but it proved to be an interesting way to decide a route. Especially when it takes you past a tiny town by the name of Chugwater where its main source of income was the local gas station that was burned down by a crazy traveller. The town name of Chugwater was called that because of the sound that buffalo made when pursued off of a local cliff and landed in the water of the river below…it was the chug sound they made when they fell to their death in the river that the town’s name comes from.

Where else can you get that kind of info? What time would one be motivated to look that up? Road trip on two wheels..that’s where.

My worries about snow were right and I from what I could tell, I stayed just ahead of the storm as I rode home.

I may add to this blog in the near future because there is more to this adventure.

Olympia Vs Kitsap County

Posted by wcrowlandksr on September 26, 2013
Posted in: General Ramblings, Gov't, Life in the Pacific Northwest. Leave a comment

This morning I decided to ride the ferry on my motorcycle. The state has decided that a bike that is over 8ft in length now has to pay the same rate as a small car. Are you kidding me!? My bike is right at the max length so I am not required to pay this rate but it’s really getting bad when the ferry system is putting the squeeze on motorcycles.

They run two tires, weigh less than any small car and are easily parked on the boat in places that a small car would never fit. These boats aren’t full and space is NOT at a premium. Kitsap county used to be less expensive to live there but the way the greedy bastards in Olympia are, one should consider the real cost. It’s just a matter of time before the 8ft length gets cut down. With the t(r)oll bridges and Ferry System in place, the state has the people of Kitsap county by the balls when it comes to getting on and off the Peninsula. Sure there’s the “free” back roads through Shelton and this gives the State to ability to pretend that they are innocent in extorting the residents of Kitsap but it’s all B.S. and they know it.
Thanks Olympia for effing the peninsula residents in just one more creative way and a big thank you for killing the local economy by slowly driving out the people who bring back the Seattle money into the county.

 

 

Here’s To Us!

Posted by wcrowlandksr on August 9, 2013
Posted in: Walk Of Life. Leave a comment

The saying “Here’s To Us” is often said during a toast.  It can be done over a drink but is also done without.  It’s one way to fondly say goodbye to the old ways and wish everybody well upon your exit.

To me, right now, this song is about looking back and raising a toast to the past and remembering what brought you to the place where you are at that moment when you are saying goodbye and the words, “Here’s To Us!”.

It’s remembering the good times as well as the times you really messed up and you realize you wouldn’t trade any of it away for anything because it’s from those experiences that you have learned a little more about love and life.

It’s a bittersweet goodbye because right at that moment, you realize what you had just couldn’t last forever and you love the one to whom you’ve had to say… “Here’s to Us!”.

Here’s to all that we kissed
And to all that we missed
To the biggest mistakes
That we just wouldn’t trade
To us breaking up
Without us breaking down
To whatever’s come our way

Here’s to us!

The full lyrics

“Here’s To Us”We could just go home right now

Or maybe we could stick around
For just one more drink, oh yeah
Get another bottle out
Lets shoot the shit
Sit back down
For just one more drink, oh yeahHere’s to us
Here’s to love
All the times
That we fucked up
Here’s to you
Fill the glass
Cause the last few days
Have kicked my ass
So lets give em hell
Wish everybody well
Here’s to us
Here’s to usStuck it out this far together
Put our dreams through the shredder
Let’s toast cause things got better
and everything could change like that
And all these years go by so fast
But nothing lasts foreverHere’s to us
Here’s to love
All the times
That we messed up
Here’s to you
Fill the glass
Cause the last few nights
Have kicked my ass
If they give you hell
Tell em to go fuck themselves
Here’s to us
Here’s to usHere’s to all that we kissed
And to all that we missed
To the biggest mistakes
That we just wouldn’t trade
To us breaking up
Without us breaking down
To whatever’s come our wayHere’s to us
Here’s to love
All the times
That we fucked up
Here’s to you
Fill the glass
Cause the last few days
Have kicked my ass
So let’s give em hell
Wish everybody well

Here’s to us
Here’s to love
All the times
That we messed up
Here’s to you
Fill the glass
Cause the last few nights
Have kicked my ass
If they give you hell
Tell em to go fuck themselves
(Go fuck themselves)
Here’s to us
Here’s to us
Here’s to us
Here’s to us

Here’s to us
Here’s to love
Here’s to us (Wish everybody well)
Here’s to us
Here’s to love
Here’s to us

Here’s to us

A Driveway

Posted by wcrowlandksr on August 5, 2013
Posted in: The Yard. Leave a comment

So it’s become apparent that the idea of grass growing where I had the fertilizer beside my house isn’t going to work well.  It’s going to serve better as a graveled in spot because the grass can’t really grow there anyway and I think it’s going to just turn to mud if I leave it as it is.  It doesn’t get enough sunlight and the trees drop leaves there each fall anyway.  The place is kind of a hard spot to do much with but it would look nice with a gravel bed used as driveway.  So it looks like I am going to have a rock festival over there.  Tomorrow, the dump truck cometh.

 

A few weeks later.

I got the box ‘o rocks for the driveway delivered, I smoothed it out and it’s looking nice.  I do find that I probably need one more load brought in and that will be in a week or so.